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Home: Refuge

Home: Refuge

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

...home...is any place where I feel safe to experience all the different human emotions with other safe humans present - a refuge amidst change and uncertainty.
Sarah Butcher, LMFT.jpg

Eleven years ago, my childhood home burned down in a wildfire. I no longer lived there, but many of my memories did. There were the obvious losses like family photos that were irreplaceable--most of which were not digitized. However, other things that I missed took me by surprise: light blue bed sheets, a brown and red afghan, my doll house that I'd had since childhood, blue rimmed plates my parents received at their wedding, old yearbooks with signatures, and my collection of notes and cards. I miss all of our family's eclectic Christmas ornaments that had been gathered over many years and included a popcorn chain for the tree my parents made in the 80s (maybe we saved that one a little too long, but it held so many memories).

The year of the fire, I came back to my hometown for Christmas with some feelings of dread. Could my parents’ replacement rental feel like home? I needn’t have worried. I quickly realized it was the people who gathered there that made it home. My family, my friends, my neighbors, and my extended community all rallied round. Miraculously, no one lost their life in this particular wildfire, and being back, and seeing the damage made the danger of the fire more real to me. It also made me think about how much more we could have lost. It was people that mattered. And it was the kindness of people that helped my family get some of the basic material things they needed to get back on track in the short term.

It was with these people, my family and friends, that I took refuge. Refuge is the word I chose to describe my sense of home because it means being safe or sheltered, and home is a safe place for me - a place that can hold me during the many storms of life. There are familiar and sentimental material things in my home now that make it feel special, comfortable, and welcoming to me, and the actual structural component of a physical home is important for survival. However, I know the feeling of home is more than the material things. It is any place where I feel safe to experience all the different human emotions with other safe humans present - a refuge amidst change and uncertainty.


HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

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A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.


Sarah Butcher, LMFT, specializes in treating children, teens, new and postpartum parents, and young adults. Her work with children in developmental play therapy led to her certification as a DIR Intermediate Floortime provider.

Home: Connectedness

Home: Connectedness

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

Saralyn Masselink, LCSW.jpg

It wasn’t until about a decade after I moved away, that I gradually stopped thinking of home as a suburban house in Midwestern America with floral wallpaper in the bedroom and vanity mirror in the back corner where I practiced putting on black eyeliner. There were parts of myself that I discovered, named and even let go of, in those walls. I had imagined that my home was enveloped within those walls, and even though I had left, that the ‘homeness’ stayed put. I might have needed that fantasy, until I could develop another sense of home to hold. Since leaving that house, I have had several rooms, apartments and houses where I have dwelled and called home. Some of those places I felt right at home in—a place I could relax and look forward to returning at the end of the day. For others, I dreaded the return. Over the course of several moves, I began noticing that my sense of homeness had much more to do with how I felt on the inside, than any combination of what I put on the walls that surrounded me. 

I believe now, that we become who we are through the relationships we’ve been in, and seeing ourselves through others’ eyes. My sense of home is in these relationships, which may shift and change over time. The relationships that I felt most at home in earlier in my life, while still important, may not be my sense of home now. Home, for me, is an experience of feeling connected to parts of myself that I love, in relationships where I can let myself thrive in loving others. Part of my home is with Suzanne and Gil, Yoon and Lucy, Nancy, Mia, Andy, Kim and Matt, my Monday training group and Saturday process group. These are the places where I return when I’ve lost my sense of home and want to find my way back: where parts of me that are hard to hold will be cared for, while I can regain connection to those parts of myself that I love, and be reminded that those parts are there. 

For those who are refugees, the loss of home is deep and complex, internal and external. Giving to Miry’s list is a way I can offer a kindness to those who are finding their way to a new home. As I give, I remember times when I, albeit in a very different way, have lost my sense of home and leaned into the work of finding it anew. 

I believe now, that we become who we are through the relationships we’ve been in, and seeing ourselves through others’ eyes. My sense of home is in these relationships...

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

******

A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.


Saralyn Masselink, LCSW, is a clinical supervisor at Michelle Harwell Therapy and a relational therapist who compassionately engages her patients. She specializes in the treatment of anxiety and depressive disorders, eating disorders, couples and family therapy, and substance use disorders.